If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
