He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
