how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Fuck appropriateness.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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