Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
