For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
