and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
