Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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