she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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