You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
