my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize