I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
