Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
and you fell through a lawn chair
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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