Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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