Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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