I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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