TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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