did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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