I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize