im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Found your dick twin last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
