He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
