you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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