I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
