i just wanna soil my oats bro
Define "chronic" masturbator.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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