Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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