I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
