Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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