If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
