My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
