I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
50% drunk capacity currently
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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