Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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