I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
