I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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