Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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