I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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