Don't EVER smell your tampon
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
