I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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