Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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