he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
