I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
