Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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