just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
