how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
