y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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