You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
These tits shall not be calmed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
