he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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