You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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