There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
