How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
