sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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