the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
