the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
