I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
