That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
