i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
