i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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