My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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