I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
