it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize