Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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