I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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