you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
