I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
