I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
