My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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