was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
