There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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