im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize