is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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