My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
