Sry I called you an 8
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize