He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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