I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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