it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
