I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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