i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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