I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
