I wish I could teleport
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
