But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
