don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
