Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
