Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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