Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
